LET’S TALK ABOUT DEATH, but in a new way.

 

In many western countries, we are accidentally taught at a young age to fear death. When a relative dies, we hold funerals that are somber and drab. We often forget to celebrate the lives of the living, but instead lean into grief and sadness. 

 

And then after the funeral? We never really talk about the person again.

 

BUT THAT’S NOT HOW THINGS WORK IN MEXICO!

 

In Mexico, you take the time to honor the people you once loved in life by celebrating them every single year on the Day of the Dead (el Dia de los Muertos).

 

 

Creating a Day of the Dead Altar as Ancestor Work

 

IT TOOK THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE FOR YOU TO BE BORN. You didn’t know all of them, but they still are a part of you energetically.

 

Creating a Day of the Dead altar is a perfect way to honor your loved ones that came before you.

 

Putting up a photo of your relatives on the altar and saying a quick word of thanks to them is a perfect way to honor your roots EVEN IF: 

 

🕯️your relationship with family members was messy or complicated in life, or

🕯️you never really knew them in life

 

 

A Quick Word on Authenticity

 

I am an Italian-American who lives in Mexico. The rituals that my family conducts around the Day of the Dead are a mix of Mexican and Italian traditions and a little bit of our own family’s creativity.

 

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU CHECK OUT: this blog post for a more traditional look on the cultural significance of el Dia de los Muertos in Mexico.

 

And EVERYBODY should have celebrating the Day of the Dead in Mexico on their bucket list! You will not regret it.

 

I believe that this ritual should be conducted with respect. If traditional decorations or customs don’t feel authentic to your family, you can skip them. But it’s always a good idea to research where the customs came from and why they exist. 

 

 

Ready to Get Started on your beautiful Day of the Dead Altar? 

 

Step 1: Prepare Your List of Relatives

 

How many generations are you going to include? Do photos of those relatives exist that far back?

 

In our family, we include relatives as far back as our kids’ great-grandparents. We also include uncles, cousins, special friends, and of course special pets!

 

Start by making your list of your relatives’ complete names. This will be harder than you realize! Make a few calls to ask what your grandpa’s middle name was.

 

 

Step 2: Gather Photos and Collect Stories

 

The further back in time you go, the harder this step will be. There is only one photo in existence for each of my husband’s grandparents.

 

NEXT COMES THE BEST PART: ask your family members for stories about your loved ones. 

 

Hearing your mom talk about her dad, or hearing your aunt talk about her brother…there is serious magic held in memories. 

 

Taking the time to listen to old memories told by your loved ones about their loved ones who no longer are living…it’s hard to put into words how much you are going to love it.

 

The first year we set up an altar, we spent time gathering funny stories and learning quirks about each and every relative.

 

(this is a picture from my family’s altar 💓)

 

As our girls grow, the stories we share with them will be deeper and more meaningful. Little by little, we will paint a bigger picture of each relative.

 

THIS IS PRECISELY HOW WE KEEP OUR FAMILY ALIVE! 

 

Step 3: Add Basic Altar Decorations

 

Decorating your altar can be as extravagant or as simple as you want. 

 

 

I prefer a simple altar, and I recommend you start there. It’s always best to keep it simple and meaningful than to shoot for Pinterest-worthy.

 

In a perfect world, your altar would have photos, candles, and small trinkets and offerings that feel authentic to your family and your relatives.

 

Your altar should be colorful and JOYFUL. Remember: you are celebrating life, not highlighting death.

 

If you want to add traditional decorations to your altar (soap, mirror, sugar skulls) for Day of the Dead, I (again) highly recommend you read this wonderful blog post!

 

 

Step 4: Add Family-Specific Offerings

 

This is the time to add in offerings specific to your family members! For shelf-stable things, we add them as soon as we assemble our altar (unopened bottles of beer or pieces of wrapped gum). 

 

We add perishable items (Pan de Muerto, fresh coffee) on the night that we light our candles (typically November 1 and November 2).

 

 

My dad was born in Italy, so I honor my grandpa and my uncle with things like espresso and Sicilian cards. ☕

 

HAVE FUN WITH THIS PART! THIS IS WHERE KNOWING YOUR RELATIVES MAKES THIS RITUAL PERSONAL! 

 

Step 5: Light Candles on Nov 1 and 2

 

In many places in the world, November 1 is considered the day to honor children who have passed away. If you have a young family member on your altar, you may want to honor them that day.

 

November 2 is the official Dia de los Muertos and candles should be lit throughout the night (you can use battery-operated candles!). This is the night that many people believe that the souls of your loved ones visit your home, enjoy the food and drinks that you lovingly offered, and depart back to the afterlife feeling celebrated and loved.

 

 

Step 6: Lovingly Disassemble Altar

 

On November 3, you can start to disassemble your altar. I have a box where I keep all of our framed photos and decorations.

 

You can decide what to do with bottled beverages or other food that can still be used. Many families feel that the offered food should be consumed afterwards, but you can throw the food away if you feel that is more authentic to you.

 

 

Interested in Seasonal Living Rituals Like This?

 

I am on a mission to reconnect with Nature by learning how to celebrate seasonal living. As a mom of two, I want my daughters to enjoy the energy of every season and the easiest way to do this is to plan rituals and celebrations throughout the year!

 

If that sort of thing interests you, welcome!

 

Xx Bri