Three years ago we packed our bags and said good-bye to traditional American life.
My daughters were just 3 and 6.
My younger daughter has now lived in Mexico as long as she lived in the US.
WE ARE RAISING THIRD CULTURE KIDS
So which culture does she identify with? What “nationality” do they claim?
WELCOME TO THE LIFE OF A THIRD CULTURE KID.
What Makes a Third Culture Kid So Extraordinary
First of all, What is a “Third Culture Kid” (TCK)?
A third culture kid is defined as a child who spends a good chunk of their developmental years living in a culture outside of that of their parents.
Our daughters are living in a culture foreign to both them and their parents.
IMAGINE HOW UNIQUE THAT FEELS?
Some kids are raised as TCKs because of their parents’ work (think: “army brat” or diplomat’s child).
We are raising TCKs by choice because we are seeking a slower, more protected childhood for our daughters than we felt we could offer in the US.
Raising a TCK can be a massive privilege, which we acknowledge.
But being raised as a TCK can also be extremely challenging and lonely for these kids in addition to all of the positives.
LET’S DIVE DEEPER.
The Unique Strengths of Third Culture Kids
TCKs have natural skill sets that are grown organically from the lifestyle of “living abroad”.
1. Natural Open‑Mindedness
TCKs are naturally open-minded because they have been exposed to different cultures for as long as they can remember.
They face differences in religion, language, food preference, education styles, and much more. This is normal for them.
THESE KIDS ARE WELCOMING, KIND, AND CAN BECOME FRIENDS WITH ANYONE.
This will give them a natural edge once they become adults and enter the world as a professional having to navigate business and relationships in an ever-shrinking global economy.
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2. Emotional Resilience
Third Culture Kids are no strangers to good-byes and unfortunately, it’s one of the biggest drawbacks of the lifestyle.
TCKs are often caught in between cultures and communities.
When we are in Mexico, my kids miss our family, and when we are in the States my kids miss their friends.
IT CAN FEEL LIKE YOU’LL NEVER BE FULLY HAPPY ANYWHERE.
Feeling like an outsider, not fully “belonging”, not being able to easily define “home” are challenges that TCKs know well.
Living abroad as a Third Culture Kid has some level of hardship built into it.
But unfortunately, no childhood can be “free” from all hardship, and hardships do build resilience.
3. Deep Curiosity About the World
Travel has been built into my daughters’ childhood from the very beginning, and this builds deep self-confidence.
When you travel the world, you realize how many amazing things exist.
TCKs are not afraid of leaving their comfort zone, and you could never convince them that the world is a bad or scary place.
THEY KNOW BETTER.
My daughter’s can look anyone in the eye and hold a conversation with them, and this is a skill that is sadly becoming less common with today’s children.
4. Multicultural Identity & Perspective
If you asked my kids “where they’re from” I’m not exactly sure what they’d respond. 🤔
They may say they’re American, they may say they live in Mexico, they may say Italian (since I am 1st generation). They don’t have to “choose”.
THIRD CULTURE KIDS HAVE MULTI-LAYERED IDENTITIES AND THIS IS A HUGE ASSET FOR THEM.
In a world where we are becoming ever connected, these kids are closer to a “global citizen” than most of us. They can’t be put into only one box.
Having such a varied cultural identity comes with challenges, but it comes with unique advantages too.
The Language Advantage: How TCKs Become Natural Polyglots
Third Culture Kids are naturally inclined to being polyglots for a simple reason: they have so many people they want to talk to!
TCKs don’t learn a new language because it’s required, they learn a new language because they want to talk to the kids at the park and understand all of the jokes at school.
The benefits of being bilingual (or trilingual) are well-documented.
Bilingual people are
- Less likely to develop brain disease like dementia
- More likely to exhibit confidence in public speaking
- More likely to successfully learn a subsequent language
- Able to connect with millions more people than a monolingual person (depending on their second language, of course)
- More likely to be hired by future employers
Although my kids really only speak English and Spanish, my 9 year old surprised all of us by ordering all her own meals in Italian the last time we visited Italy.
Why? BECAUSE ONCE YOU LEARN A SECOND LANGUAGE, THE REST OF THEM DON’T SEEM IMPOSSIBLE TO LEARN TOO.
Also, learning sister languages (like Italian and Spanish) is almost effortless.
How We’re Raising Third Culture Kids With Intention
We do very specific things to support our daughters’ experience of growing up as a TCK.
1. We Create a Sense of Home Wherever We Are
FAMILY CULTURE IS HUGE.
Our family’s values, rituals, routines, diets, and celebrations are a container for our daughters to safely feel “at home”.
We don’t do all the things that local families around us do. We skip some traditions while others we fold into our family’s culture (like the Day of the Dead).
Stability, consistency, and intention are key for maintaining a family culture that feels like “home”.
2. We Celebrate All Their “Cultures”
Since Third Culture Kids identify with multiple cultures, it’s important to validate all of them as much as you can.
My kids still like celebrating Thanksgiving when we are in Mexico. 🦃
My kids still like celebrating Day of the Dead when we are in the States. 💀
Making space to specifically honor the things that make a TCK feel like themselves is key when raising Third Culture Kids.
3. We Validate Their Feelings
Learning to make space for my daughters’ big feelings about Third Culture Kid-related things was a learning curve for me.
Initially, I saw all of the pros, and I wasn’t quick to validate the cons.
It’s important to become a safe space for your TCK to express themselves.
- “I miss Grandpa”
- “I hate X about [place]”
- “I suck at speaking [language]”
- “Why can’t we just go home?”
When your Third Culture Kid feels down on their experience, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad experience or you should quit your lifestyle.
I did not grow up a TCK and I found plenty of things to complain about growing up, didn’t you?
The best support you can give a TCK about the challenges of their lifestyle is validation and space to air out their feelings. You don’t have to fix anything. Just bear witness and hold space.
4. Encourage Curiosity and Exploration
Since Third Culture Kids grow up “between cultures” they have the ultimate freedom to explore what it means to be who they are.
Supporting your TCK’s unique interests and curiosities is a beautiful way to validate your child and connect them with themself.
I plan to nature my daughters’ unique interests and experiences so they can blossom into whoever they’re meant to be and I know their unique gifts will emerge and allow them to support themselves by building a career linked to their passions.
The World Could Use More Third Culture Kids
If you are someone with children who is dreaming of living abroad, you have found the perfect blog for you!
Although raising a family abroad is not for everyone, I believe those of us who are drawn to this lifestyle were destined for something different, something more.
Raising Third Culture Kids is a privilege that I believe will set your child up for great success.
Do you identify as a TCK? Are you raising one?
I’d love it if you commented below to let me know!
Xx Bri