Welcome to the Candlelight Collective. I want to tell you a big fat secret…
❌ Your worth does not lie in your achievements.
❌ Your worth does not lie in your perfection.
If you’re like me, somewhere along the line you’ve equated being worthy of love 💗and attention with providing something in exchange for others ♻️.
You keep a mental tally of who you’ve done enough for in order to ask for anything from them in return.
…And usually, you don’t ask anyway because you’re afraid they might look at you confused as to why they should bother inconveniencing themself for you.
If we are inherently worthy of respect and love, why do we do this?
🌳The tree doesn’t apologize for letting its roots break up the sidewalk.
🌻The flower doesn’t skimp her consumption of water in case there is someone else who needs it.
👶🏻The baby doesn’t drink less milk than it wants because his mom is tired and wants to go back to sleep.
And here we are, shrinking to avoid being a burden.
Before we start, how about a free journaling challenge?
HOW TO STOP UNDERVALUING YOURSELF
1. Keep a Jealousy List
Admitting what we want is a huge step toward taking up space and validating our deepest desires. This step is to start expanding. We’ve been taught jealousy is childish, it’s totally not. Everything that makes you jealous is something you deeply desire. Jealousy is a compass (btw – this free journaling challenge is meant to show you want you really want).
🏠Your friend bought a house? Maybe you want a house, or at least the stability it gives.
💍Your cousin is getting married? Maybe you want a companion and someone to share your life with, too.
Love it for them, want it for you. It’s beautiful to want things for yourself.
2. Notice Who You’re Nervous Around
Shrinking our needs around certain people and letting them call the shots, set the rules, and expect you to follow their desires is a huge trap we easily fall into. Sometimes it’s a family member that makes you second-guess yourself.
😡Maybe it’s a friend who runs hot and cold and you’re afraid that she will turn on you if you aren’t a certain way.
😒Maybe it’s a client who micro-mistreats you, but you feel desperate to maintain the income from them.
These are areas where the Universe is testing you. Practice not bending for these people.
3. Schedule Dates With Yourself
Allowing yourself time for unproductive, unnecessary fun is a way to signal your worth to yourself. Not everything you do has to be “for a reason”.
✏️Go to the office supply store and buy stickers to decorate your planner.
⛱️Drive to the beach and draw in the sand as you watch the waves.
☕Buy a latte and walk around the bookstore.
You don’t have to tell anyone, you don’t have to post it on social media. This is for you, and yourself. Make time to have a little fun with yourself.
You are your greatest love story, and prioritizing yourself should be above all else.
4. Notice the Type of Person Who Makes You Nervous
Certain types of people make us feel the need to shrink, even if we have never met them. Their energy makes us feel threatened in some way.
🤱🏼Maybe it’s the mom that has her shit together all the time (she doesn’t by the way).
➡️Does she make you feel like a bad mom?
🏃🏽♀️Maybe it’s the skinny girl who runs half-marathons.
➡️Does she make you feel unhealthy just because her self-care routine is different?
💃🏽Maybe it’s the hot girl in town who wears tight clothes and heels to the grocery store.
➡️Does she make you feel like you have to do that to be considered beautiful?
The people who trigger us are blessings that show us our blind spots and our false narratives. Embrace the annoyance they give you and take the time to reassure yourself that their way isn’t the only way to be a successful person.
5. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs
The more we bring our triggers to the light (over time), the more we can start to see patterns. Where are you most self-conscious? Probably in an area of your life that is closely related to your deepest desires.
☑️The mom with everything together makes you doubt if you’re actually a good mom (which you are).
☑️The hot lady at the grocery store makes you doubt if you’re desirable as a partner (which you are).
Shining light on our shadows immediately removes their darkness. Befriend your darkest corners, little by little. Shadows cannot exist in the light.
“WHAT DO I REALLY WANT” JOURNALING CHALLENGE
I believe that you came here for a specific reason.
All of your quirks, passions, fears, experiences, and dreams all are divine and are part of the perfection that is YOU.
😀But we often forget our strengths.
😍We forget what we really want.
🤔We forget to take the time to prioritize ourselves and actually ask ourselves what we want.
I made this journaling challenge so you can come home to yourself. Illuminate what you want. Then afterwards, you can make a plan to get it. 🕯️
Hi, I’m Bri 👋🏼 and you are warmly welcomed to this online space – The Candlelight Collective – where we manifest our dream lives, use our gifts to raise the global collective, and find community with other likeminded women online.
I’m glad you are here xx 🕯️