Do you have a mean voice in your head?
One that sometimes tells you that you aren’t good enough, you aren’t lovable, and you don’t deserve good things?
YOU MIGHT EVEN BE STUCK IN THIS VICIOUS CYCLE:
1) feel shame about “who you are”
2) try harder to be “who you want to be”
3) feel worthy for a while
4) “mess up” again (aka act human)
5) feel deep shame again.
*Repeat.*
You are so not alone.
I recently realized something shocking about self-worth. See if you can relate.
THE DAYS WHEN SOME OF US FEEL MOST WORTHY ARE THE DAYS WHEN WE ARE CLOSEST TO PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE PERFECT.
Does that sound familiar?
The problem is: “earning” worthiness through excellence not on existence is missing the point.
When we feel worthy because we’re doing all the things we don’t ever practice feeling good enough for just being.
Let’s learn how to be our own best friend. Without high standards on ourselves.
Here are some ideas for how we can do it.
Let’s talk about 11 Ways to Practice Self Love
Practice #1: Take a Look at Your Schedule
There are two different traps that you might be falling into when you plan your schedule.
- You overschedule yourself because you have so many goals and so little time.
- You schedule nothing because you feel numb and don’t know where to start.
I FALL INTO BOTH OF THESE TRAPS DEPENDING ON MY CYCLE AND MOOD.
Let’s talk about how to remedy both.
The Overscheduling Trap → limit yourself to 1 big goal for the month.
You can’t train for a half marathon, hit 100 grams of protein daily, learn Spanish, read 100 books by December, and also learn how to watercolor.
Choose one big goal and put the other goals in a “future goals” list.
Why is it a problem to have too full of a schedule? Because y ou need quiet moments without anything to do to realize that you are still worthy of love and kindness when you aren’t actively doing anything.
The “Nothing on the Schedule” Trap → set one small routine for yourself.
This isn’t the time to set big goals. This is the time to take a 10 minute walk in nature every day for 7 days. This is the time to learn about one new herb every week. This is the time to stretch every day when you wake up.
Small, soft routines and rituals.
Put one small action step in your schedule each day, and stick to it. Not to “earn” anything, but just to get yourself out of your head (because that’s where we spiral).
Practice #2: Start a Journaling Practice
This doesn’t have to be a Dear Diary type journal.
It can be a gardening journal, a book journal, a commonplace book, a Morning Pages journal, a Manifestation journal.
The goal here is to start a habit that feels good and forces us to slow down.
You can’t do 4 things while you are writing in a journal with a physical pen. It forces us to be present and allows our nervous system to power down.
REMEMBER THOSE LITTLE DIARIES FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD THAT HAD A LITTLE LOCK?
Channel that 11 year old version of yourself, buy a new journal, and let your soul inspire you!
You can journal depending on the season, journal depending on your mood, journal depending on the events of the world.
This Journal is YOUR SAFE SPACE. You can write anything in it.
Practice #3: Begin to Say “No”
Are you a recovering people pleaser?
CHANNEL SELF LOVE BY SAYING “NO” WITHOUT APOLOGIZING OR OVER-EXPLAINING!
“Thank you for the invite, but I have something already scheduled that day.”
“That sounds fun, but unfortunately I can’t.”
There will always be someone with a bigger and bolder personality than you who will try to make you feel like you have to do what they want. YOU MUST RESIST!
The goal here is to try to avoid filling your schedule with anything that will make you feel resentment toward yourself or any one else.
LIFE IS SHORT. YOU HAVE LIMITED FREE TIME. DON’T FILL IT WITH THINGS YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN.
Practice #4: Celebrate Your Screw-Ups
This one will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
You say something stupid, you email the wrong person at work, you ask someone who isn’t pregnant when they are due, you make a big mistake.
Then you feel that hot wash of embarrassment cover you from head to toe. You feel stupid and embarrassed and want to run and hide. 🫠
After that wave passes, congratulate yourself for making a stupid mistake. WHY?
Because people who never make mistakes are people who are too scared to try new things or leave their comfort zone.
Sure, you could never talk to anyone again and probably avoid saying very many stupid things.
But how are you going to make friends, build community, and grow as a person?
IF YOU ARE MAKING MISTAKES IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE ACTIVELY PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE IN THE WORLD AND YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF!
Practice #5: Forgive Yourself for Your Past
I sometimes spiral thinking about how prickly and unkind I was in my youth. I deeply wanted friends, but I consistently pushed people away by saying unkind things and making everybody feel that I didn’t need them. It was a vicious cycle that I’m still working to fully break.
But I had my reasons for acting that way, and I was doing my best. Period.
“Anyone who isn’t embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.”
-Alaine de Botton
You cannot keep being mean to yourself because of a past version of yourself who was living in different circumstances with a different set of skills.
You cannot hold the past version of yourself accountable to the standards of your present self.
A person can only do the best they can with the tools that they have, and most people are doing their best at all times, even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside.
Learn to forgive yourself. It will be the key to the kingdom (so to speak).
Practice #6: Prioritize Rest and Play
Prioritizing rest looks like taking the time to watch that movie, lay on the couch with a book, or take an afternoon nap.
It means skipping that exercise class or canceling that social event when you know it will make you feel depleted.
Because you do not have to earn rest. You deserve it just because you’re human.
And play? Play can be:
🎨drawing, baking,
♟️playing board games,
🧚🏼throwing themed parties for friends,
🍿watching an old movie that makes you laugh every time.
IT MIGHT BE UNCOMFORTABLE TO PLAY AND REST AT FIRST, BUT DON’T GIVE UP!
Practice #7: Seek Distance From People Who Make You Feel Small
I’m not saying cut off your mom. I’m not saying ice out your coworkers.
But your energy field is sacred and any time you choose to invite other people into your space, you will inevitably interact with their energy.
So say no to that coffee date with that friend who will spend the whole time complaining.
Feel free to leave that text unanswered for that relative who will inevitably bring down your mood.
PROTECT YOUR PEACE SO YOU HAVE ENOUGH INNER CALM TO FACE THE PEOPLE AND CIRCUMSTANCES THAT YOU CAN’T AVOID.
Practice #8: Take a Bubble Bath
There is something incredibly divine about sinking into a tub of hot water. Your muscles relax, your weight lightens, and you can just float around in peace.
Honestly, adults don’t take enough baths.
Make it a ritual: light a candle and grab some bath salts, bubbles, and essential oils. Set an intention and let yourself enjoy the moment of self care.
No phone, no goals, no rushing, just sinking into the warmth and comfort of the moment.
This tip is especially good for Pisces. ♓🩵
Practice #9: Practice Affirmations
You may not want to look into your own reflection in the mirror and whisper kind words to yourself, but you can totally say kind things to yourself in your own head.
You just did something really hard, good job!
That was a long day, you deserve rest.
You are strong and you can do this.
Here are 22 examples of Self Worth Affirmations.💗
And Here are 10 examples of Full Moon Affirmations. 🌕
YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF. TALK TO YOURSELF LIKE A FRIEND!
Practice #10: Make Yourself a Warm Drink
There’s something about consuming hot drinks that somehow cures the soul.
Whether you’re drinking coffee, tea, matcha, or mate, making yourself a hot drink is a sure way to make yourself feel loved.
Make yourself a hot cup of chamomile the spoonful of honey before bed. Brew yourself a hot cup of coffee and stir in a delicious syrup before you start a long day.
BONUS POINTS: If you can take your hot beverage and make it a ritual. ☕✨
Take the time to tell yourself that you matter with this small act of self love.
Practice #11: Accept Where You’re At
I don’t know about you, but I thought that I would feel much more grown-up as an adult. 🤭
I still feel insecure, unsure and nervous regularly…and I thought I would have accomplished more by now. Don’t you?
But holding ourselves to unrealistic standards will only leave us feeling shamed and disappointed.
Learning to accept where we are even if it’s not where we expected to be is the ultimate act of self love.
You would never call your best friend and ask her why she hasn’t accomplished XYZ by now, would you? So let yourself off the hook and learn to accept and love yourself wherever you’re at in life.
And That Completes the List! But Before You Go…
If we haven’t met: I’m Bri. An American living in Mexico, trying to reconnect with the seasons, heal generational pain, and raise kind humans. I want to find like-minded women on the internet to find community.
If any of those things interest you, stick around!
Sending you so much love,
Bri